


Cupid's Got A Gun

by Zamora



Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feels, Mutual Pining, Roxanne fully embracing the roll of Evil Queen, Soulmates, bonnie and clyde vibes, general mistrust to allies to close friends to lovers, please do not copy to another site, when you can't kill people you have to get very creative when it comes to inspiring fear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:35:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29006163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zamora/pseuds/Zamora
Summary: Starvation, dehydration, suffocation, old age, and last but certainly not least, your soulmate. These are the five things in this world that can harm (or even kill) you.Some people are overjoyed when they find their soulmate, some people are content to never even look, and then there are always the occasional homicides in dark alleys - some people kill before they can be killed; after all, true love can be a very dangerous thing.When Roxanne finds her soulmate, it quickly becomes a lesson that you can and will be judged by society simply based on who your soul is compatible with. If your soulmate happens to be someone who's perceived as evil, then how could you possibly be a good person if you mesh so well with their darkness?Well, if people are going to treat her like a criminal for simply existing, then she'll show them just how wicked she can be.
Relationships: Megamind/Roxanne Ritchi
Comments: 41
Kudos: 79





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> Me: "I'm going to focus on writing nothing but OWBP."
> 
> Me three weeks into the new year: *Posts a New Fic*
> 
> I have no defense, but this has been sitting in my WIP pile for a while and my muse literally just ran away with it recently. I'm still working on getting OWBP out but this has just been tugging at me. So here I am, starting another WIP like a fool. 
> 
> Anyways, here's a gritty angsty sort of soulmate AU that will inevitably have a happy ending.

_This is love_ , you say, slipping bullets past my lips with every kiss.

Isn't this what you wanted -- a muzzle between your teeth, gun smoke in your eyes, the taste of copper on your tongue, the smell of iron in the air.

It is as they say; love is like _violence_ :

There will always be blood on your hands by the end.

_Cupid's got a gun._

**[m.a.w](https://dvoyd.tumblr.com/post/637070463015829504) **

The first time she's kidnapped and subsequently rescued, Metro Man's aim is off. The lasers he shoots out of his eyes miss the doomsday cloud accumulator and glance off her skin without leaving the faintest scratch. She's not surprised, and really, she doesn't care. Metro Man's not her type. To be honest, she's not sure what she would do if he _was_ her soulmate; the thought of it makes her cringe.

The third time she's kidnapped, she manages to wiggle one of her wrists free from the ropes binding them behind her back, but the other is so tangled up that she can't manage to pull it free. When Megamind turns his attention away from the console table, his eyes immediately settle on her free arm. He opens his mouth in protest, but before he can start scolding her for the escape attempt, she bends over as much as she can, pulls her black patent leather pump from her left foot, and throws it at him as hard as she can.

Unfortunately, her aim is all wrong, and instead of hitting him in his giant blue head, the heel smacks against the spiked mantle covering part of his chest before clattering to the ground. The odd part was the soft, surprised noise that escaped him at the blow and the way his hand immediately came up to cover that same spot for a moment. 

After that, quiet lingers between them, some sort of shocked, disbelieving, suspicious look flashing across his face before his eyes meet hers. The silence stretching out and growing until it feels like it has teeth of its own. When Megamind's voice breaks it, all he can manage is a puzzled, "Miss Ritchi?" His voice cracking slightly over the syllables of her name.

He opens his mouth to say something more, but then Wayne bursts through the roof before he finds the words he seems to be searching for.

The fourth time she's kidnapped, whatever seemed to be bothering him last time appears to no longer be an issue. Then, right on cue, Wayne swoops in, disables the Jaws of Death - a gigantic mechanical shark that distracted her from Megamind's monologue because _what the literal fuck?_ \- hauls Megamind off to jail and basks in the glow of the reporters' spotlights as she tries not to roll her eyes when she agrees that _she's so lucky he's always there to save her_. 

By the tenth time she's kidnapped, she's fallen into the routine of it. She wakes up and complains about the bag until it's removed; before the cameras start rolling, Megamind talks to her - or rather, talks at her. Usually, about his brilliant new plot and the _'terrifying'_ new deathtrap he has for her this time.

The death traps might actually be scary if they were capable of harming her. Not that she doesn't _want_ Megamind to be her soulmate. He's funnier than she'll ever let him know. She's honestly impressed with his brilliance. And although she rolls her eyes every time he calls himself an _incredibly handsome mastermind of evil_ , she has to admit that _he is_ handsome.

But really, out of the seven billion people on Earth, what are the chances that _Megamind_ would be her soulmate?

Slim to none. 

Which is for the best, really. With all of the things that Megamind's threatened her with, it would be better that she be invulnerable in the face of what would otherwise be certain death. Not that any of the death traps have ever come close enough to touch her. Metro Man always makes his appearance before her timer runs out. And even if he didn't, she has a feeling that Megamind wouldn't flick the switch or push the button even if he was late. 

Her suspicions are confirmed that very day when the gigantic screen on the wall before her runs down to zero and Metro Man isn't there. All Megamind does is send the timer a withering glance before rolling his eyes, shaking his head, and muttering something about punctuality. Another thirty seconds tick by as they stare at each other in silence, and Roxanne honestly can't tell if he's forgotten about the death trap or if he's actively choosing to act like he's forgotten about it.

When a minute passes with no sign from Metro Man, Megamind lets out a long-suffering sigh and steps away from the console, calling out as he walks away, "Come along, Minion! We should leave before Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes shows up and tries to haul us both to jail again!" 

Part of her knows that poking the proverbial sleeping bear with a stick is stupid, but she really can't help but stop him. She's too determined to prove herself right. "What?" She questions as he starts to step past her chair, making him pause and glance over at her before she quickly adds, "No flamethrower for me today?"

It almost looks like Megamind hesitates at her question, his eyes flicking over to the hulking machine sitting before her on wheels, only a small trickle of flame spewing from the front of it where it stands a few yards away from her. He glances back over at her a half-second later, drinking in her features in a way that makes her think that he's never really looked before. 

"I'd hate to singe your hair," He offers simply a moment later with a false sense of sincerity, shrugging lightly as he speaks.

Roxanne rolls her eyes at him, biting out a slightly scalding, "Careful there, _supervillain_. Your morals are starting to show."

She gets a genuine reaction at that one. Megamind narrows his eyes at her, a sneer pulling at his mouth. A half-second later, he leans in, bracing his hands against the armrests of her chair. "You're right. How very rude of me." His cool breath ghosts against her face with every word, and when he pulls back, she doesn't have a good explanation as to why her mouth is suddenly so dry.

"If the lady wants a flamethrower, who am I to deny her?" Megamind asks in a singsong tone, strutting back over to the console table before slamming his hand down on the giant red button with a thud. The flamethrower before her bursts to life immediately, the barely-there trickle of flame erupting into a blazing inferno without any further warning. 

She swallows at the way her heart suddenly kicks into overdrive, though really, she knows she has nothing to be afraid of.

Megamind _isn't_ her soulmate.

He _can't_ hurt her.

He saunters back towards the exit, but not before pausing beside her chair and murmuring a soft, "As requested." Gesturing broadly towards the flamethrower that now seems to already be far too close to her. 

He rights himself a half-second later and continues towards the exit, the sound of his boots echoing hollowly against the metal floor. The last she hears of his voice is a bright, "Ciao!" It echoes through the room as the door squeaks open and then bangs shut loudly enough that she flinches at the noise.

After that, the only sound is the dull roar of the flamethrower before her. As if on cue, it lurches slightly, the gears at its base finally kicking it into drive. A drive mode that is going to force it closer to her every second. She draws in a deep breath as she reminds herself once again that _it can't_ hurt her.

She's played with fire before, or rather, she'd been forced to play with it back when she was in summer camp when she was seven. The obnoxious curly-haired boy who had a crush on her was certain that he was her soulmate. In an attempt to prove it, he'd grabbed her hand and thrust it into a bonfire.

That boy hadn't been her soulmate, and the fire that crackled around her hand really only felt warm, dry, and a little ticklish. Looking back at that experience as an adult, she still finds herself wondering why he hadn't merely pinched her, which is really the only socially acceptable way to find out if someone is your soulmate.

Some experts simply urge people to be more in tune with their bodies as they move through life. Everyone knows that physical touch always feels a little muted unless the person touching you is your soulmate. The trend of caressing strangers never really caught on, both because of the simple awkwardness of the suggestion, along with the fact that apparently pain is a more easily identifiable notification. 

Regardless of her internal musings, the flamethrower continues along its path towards her. It isn't until a few feet have disappeared that she finds herself recognizing the stifling heat that's steadily bearing down on her. It's enough to kick her heartbeat up a few notches. 

Megamind _is not_ her soulmate.

This _can not_ possibly hurt her.

A few more feet disappear between her and the flamethrower, and she finds her resolve in the simple mantra starting to fail. 

Fire feels warm, ticklish, dry. 

_This_ doesn't feel like _fire_. 

This isn't comfortably warm; it's _hot_. A blistering sort of heat that she's never experienced before. 

This isn't ticklish; it's _sweltering_. A cooking sensation that makes it feel like the layer between her skin and her muscle is crawling.

This isn't dry; it's _arid_. A sort of suffocating lack of oxygen is everywhere around her. It's making it hard to breathe. 

She swallows at the feeling of it, clenching her hands into fists.

_Megamind is not her soulmate._

_The fire can't hurt her._

Wayne bursts through the ceiling almost as soon as she finishes reciting the words in her mind, and she's never been so relieved to see him. He kicks the flamethrower away, and it flies across the room, landing on its side with a heavy thunk as the flames die out. 

When he unties her, she wipes beads of sweat from her forehead and tries not to laugh at herself for panicking so much.

Megamind is not her soulmate.

He can never hurt her.

Regardless of that, the next time Wayne shows up late, she chooses not to goad Megamind into activating the boot-wheel-of-death. Why put herself through the unnecessary stress? 

Besides, it doesn't matter whether or not he activates the death traps at the end of the day; they're only there for show, and they both know that. 

He's not her soulmate; he can't hurt her.

At least she can keep telling herself that until she has undeniable proof.


	2. Soulmates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the love last chapter!
> 
> I regret absolutely nothing, but I am still so very sorry. 
> 
> Enjoy the angst!
> 
> TW: blood, mild descriptions of gore.

If I had nine lives, I'd spend them all with you.  
But I don't.  
So, I guess this is where our story ends.

Tell me, was it good for you?

**[m.a.w](https://dvoyd.tumblr.com/post/169672919558)**

Roxanne grimaces as she comes to. If the blotchy, mottled darkness and the slight pound of a mild headache aren't enough to tell her where she is, the musty smell all around her is - motor oil, dust, and something vegetal that had gone bad a while ago.

"Why do you never wash the bag?" She groans, testing the ropes at her wrists and ankles as she tries to get comfortable in the hard wooden chair.

A quiet scuttling noise reaches her ears as soon the echo of her voice finally dies out. "Places, Minion." Megamind's voice speaks, the words barely even a whisper. A metal clanging rings out from behind her at the order. Minion couldn't be quiet if he wanted to, at least not in a three hundred pound metal suit. 

"No, Norbert, stop biting and behave." Megamind's serious voice commands a half-second later, and it takes nearly all of her self-control not to burst into laughter. She knows that Megamind's brainbots have some wild names; she particularly enjoys Sprinkles, Cronch, and Lucifer - really, Lucifer is the sweetest bot Megamind has, _talk about false advertising._ However, Norbert has its own particular charm. A sort of charm that makes her struggle against the urge to snicker.

"I can hear you, Megamind," Roxanne calls out a moment later, a hint of laughter tainting her tone. The only response she receives in return is the sound of something clattering to the ground followed by a quick string of what she can only assume are muffled curses.

"Norbert." Megamind hisses, his voice echoing through the lair, and this time Roxanne can't help the small snort of laughter that she can't quite hold in.

_Oh, today is going to be good._

There's another scuffling sound from a few feet in front of her, and then everything falls into an eerie, lingering silence. Roxanne opens her mouth to ask Megamind if he's getting cold feet when the bag is suddenly ripped from her head. 

The second it's removed she draws in a massive breath of fresh air, though _fresh_ is admittedly a bit of a stretch. The air in the Evil Lair always smells like dust and motor oil, but at least that decomposing vegetable smell is gone. 

As soon as she's no longer choking on the smell of the bag, she shakes her head back and forth, settling her short locks back into place. She'd learned after the first kidnapping that bag-hair _does not_ do her any favors on camera. 

The room is shadowy. The only real lights are coming from the blinking dials lining the console and the walls. A faint purplish-blue glow emanates from the top of the leather, high-backed rolling chair that's facing away from her. 

Roxanne can't help but roll her eyes and huff out a breath as she slumps slightly in her chair. Really, she's been through at least three hundred kidnappings by now, and Megamind is still using the same tactics he had greeted her with that very first time. 

He lets the darkness linger for a few seconds, and then a muted, yellow light flickers to life above her, illuminating the entirety of the 'deathtrap platform' as she's taken to calling it. "Miss Ritchi, we meet again." He all but purrs, his voice a low, sultry rumble that never fails to make her throat go a little dry.

Roxanne swallows against the feeling as Megamind slowly spins around in his chair. One of his legs crossed over the other as he leisurely strokes his gloved fingers over the glass dome of the brainbot who can only be Norbert. The plasma tendrils from the brainbot light up his face, casting menacing shadows across the sharp planes of his cheekbones. 

Roxanne glares at the green eyes that practically glow in the darkness, huffing out an annoyed breath before offering an exasperated, "You know I had an optometry appointment today."

Megamind flashes her a glimpse of the too-sharp smile that he had perfected back before the kidnappings had reached double digits, tutting disapprovingly as he shakes his head at her. "Now, now, Miss Ritchi." Megamind murmurs, toeing his chair closer to the deathtrap platform, "We both know that your demise is imminent, and your poor vision won't be a problem much longer."

Roxanne scoffs at his words, rolling her eyes as she sighs, "I wear _reading_ glasses." 

In all honesty, she doesn't even really _wear_ them. She's fairly certain that she uses them exactly once a year when it's time to pull out the gingerbread recipe her Aunt Carla wrote - the woman writes so small she practically needs a magnifying glass just to make out the words.

"Because of your poor vision." Megamind's voice drawls, his tone slightly mocking as Norbert squirms on his lap and nips at the corner of his cape.

Roxanne huffs out a breath, shooting him an unamused, pointed glare before biting out a scalding; "Well, at least my poor vision spares me from the true torture here; the sight of your face." 

The wicked, sharp smile Megamind's wearing grows at the insult, and then a villainous cackle fills the air. He shakes his head as the sound begins dying down, toeing the chair closer until it's sitting just behind the line of the deathtrap platform. 

"Always with the cruel remarks." He chuckles, his voice laced with what seems to be insincere affection. As soon as the words finish ringing out against the lair's metal walls, the lights beyond the deathtrap platform flicker to life, illuminating the empty room. 

"If I didn't think you would make for such a pretty corpse, I'd have found a new damsel by now." Megamind bites out, the fraudulent affection in his voice immediately falling away into a cold snarl of displeasure.

"If you think I'd make such a pretty corpse, just imagine what a gorgeous evil queen I'd be." The words are out of her mouth before she can think any better of them. The evil queen offers have always been playful, flirty quips from his side that she's never paid much mind to. 

It feels almost like breaking the rules when _she's_ the one to bring up his countless offers, and if the stunned, frozen expression on his face is anything to go by, she's done a little more than simply throw him off step.

When his shocked expression falls away, it's immediately replaced by a wolfish smirk. "Miss Ritchi, are you finally giving in to the seductive pull of the dark side?" He asks, his voice a low, silky drone that curls around the air between them like a specter. 

She swallows at the question as he strokes his fingers over the bot in his lap before he continues, "You know, with my help, you could be _utterly unstoppable._ " 

She can hear the invitation hanging in every syllable of the words. The unspoken offer of 'just say the word, Miss Ritchi' is hidden beneath the quip.

Roxanne swallows down the longing feeling trying to claw its way up her throat before she lets out a soft, thoughtful hum. 

"Which one of us is the temptress now?" Roxanne quips before biting down on her lower lip. 

She has to admit she feels a little thrill when his eyes drift down to her mouth and linger there a few seconds longer than is strictly necessary. He shakes himself back into the present moment after another lingering second, his trademark villainous smirk quickly replacing the smolder he'd worn so well earlier. 

"I see what you're doing here." 

He chuckles softly at whatever thought just flitted through his mind, leaning forward in his chair before calling her out. "Toying with me to attempt to buy your precious city some more time." The words are laced with an undercurrent of mock disapproval, and really, she's glad he thinks that's what she's doing.

Really, she's just playing with him because he's fun to play with. It's almost a goal of hers by now to see if she can rile him up enough to do that growly thing with his voice.

"Clever. Little. Minx." Each silky, breathy word is punctuated by a second's pause, and damn, that's almost just as good as the growly thing.

Regardless, she does still want to hear him do the growly thing, and she knows that she'll only get that out of him if she irks him enough.

"We both know you haven't found a new damsel because it would break from the routine, and you are nothing if not _predictable_." She mocks, leaning forward as much as the ropes tying her hands behind her back allow. 

For a half-second, Megamind seems slightly thrown by the non-sequitur, and as soon as that fades his well-rehearsed villain persona falls away at her accusation. His frustrated voice rings through the lair as he shoots up from his seat. "I'm predictable?"

The chair goes rolling backward at the momentum, and the grip Norbert's pincers have on Megamind's gloves turns out to be a bad thing for the little robot when the supervillain flings his arms out to his sides and sends the little guy flying through the air with a high-pitched robotic whine.

Roxanne tries to swallow down her laughter at first, but then it chokes its way out of her throat as she watches the poor brainbot finally slow to a stop and spin in a few pitiful circles as though it's dizzy and attempting to re-orient itself. 

When she does eventually manage to stop laughing long enough to breathe, she ignores Megamind's furious question in favor of wheezing out a choked; "You just threw poor Norbert across the room!" 

She breaks down into laughter once more as Megamind glances over at the little robot as it finally seems to re-gain its bearings. She can hear Megamind stomp closer, but her eyes are squeezed shut as she gasps for air, doubled over as much as she can be while tied up, her stomach muscles cramping from all of the laughter. 

A moment later, a leather-clad hand forces her spine against the backrest of the chair. The surprise of it makes her swallow her laughter, the sound quickly cutting off with a choking sound.

When she opens her eyes, the only thing filling her line of vision is the black leather of Megamind's other glove as he points a slender finger in her face and bites out a rough; "Stop laughing at Norbert!" 

She bites down on her lower lip at the command, struggling to hold in another bought of laughter as he pulls away and begins to stalk around her chair.

 _"Predictable."_ Megamind scoffs, the sound dying away a moment later. The soft rustle of silk and leather as his cape swishes around his legs is the only indication that he's still prowling around the back of his chair before he finally slinks over to the console at the front of the room. 

He shoots her a challenging glare as he reaches out and wraps his hand around a lever on the control panel. "Is this _predictable?"_ He demands, a wicked smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth as he pulls the lever towards them with a harsh mechanical grinding sound.

On cue, a panel on the floor slides away, and an array of three massive saw blades attached to robotic arms rises up from the floor. They slowly kick into gear, the blades ramping up to an RPM that makes them spin so fast that she can't see their wicked teeth. 

The lowest of the three arms is hovering a foot above the middle of her thigh. The middle of the three arms is parallel to the floor, a good two feet away from her midriff. The tallest arm is much like the middle one; the only real difference is that it gives her a solid three-foot berth and is aligned with her neck.

At least they appear to be in the _'menace only'_ mode that all of Megamind's death traps seem to have built into them. A mode that makes them look dangerous, in the same way that a gun still looks dangerous even with the safety on.

For no other reason than to annoy him, she rolls her eyes at the sudden appearance of his newest death trap. Shooting him an easy smile before drawling out an unconcerned; "Wow, saw blades." 

Megamind's expression darkens at her quip, the corner of his mouth turning down into a frown as he all but shoots daggers at her with his eyes. 

All it does is send a shiver of delight scampering down her spine. 

Her smile quickly morphs into a smirk as she leans in a bit, "I quiver with fear." The words are just loud enough to carry over the din of the blades humming in the background, and Megamind immediately goes from looking thoroughly peeved to bordering on feral. 

It does nothing but send a frisson of heat scampering down her spine before it coils low in her stomach.

He's on top of her before she can even blink, his hands clenching around the armrests of her old wooden chair so tightly that the leather gloves he's wearing squeak in protest. 

"If you don't watch that tongue, I'll show you what it means to quiver." 

There it is. The growly voice thing that should quite frankly be illegal, not that he would care if it was. 

The next few seconds are eerily still. Roxanne is all but frozen in her chair, desperately trying to remember how to breathe as Megamind's fierce green eyes bore into her own, and his short, angry breaths make her bangs flutter against her forehead. 

"Finally, silence." The dark self-satisfied words break the tense moment as he finally pulls away, righting himself as he smirks down at her, seemingly proud of his ability to scare her into submission. 

In reality, it's not actually fear that keeps her frozen in place like a statue; it's the way that her brain has sort of short-circuited and decided that it's no longer speaking to the rest of her body. 

To be fair, though, it's not as if her brain is holding up all that well either. The only thing it seems capable of managing is a half-coherent thought of _God, please, yes._

"Now behave for the cameras." Megamind is halfway across the room when her system manages to reboot, and the first coherent thought she has is that _she is not going to sit there and let him think that he won that round._

"Where's the doomsday robot?" The question comes out a little shakier than she would have liked, but at least there's still enough defiance in her voice to send Megamind whirling back around to face her. 

His eyebrows creep towards his forehead at the question, and Roxanne lets out a mocking laugh that immediately earns her a harsh glower. 

"Come on, Megamind. You can't _kidnap_ a girl without a doomsday robot." She chides him, watching as he manages to school his glower back into a look of mock amusement.

"And yet there is no doomsday robot, and _the girl_ has been kidnapped." He gloats in a singsong tone gesturing with an open hand to the spot where she's tied to the chair.

"Giant mind-control laser?" Roxanne guesses, and Megamind's triumphant grin softens into a small, almost fond smile, one of his eyebrows quirking up as he stares back at her. 

"A bomb?" She hedges as Norbert makes a few lazy, spiraling circles around her chair before coming to a slow, hovering stop beside her leg as he eyes the red and pink floral pattern of her dress. 

"Oh, wait, wait, I got it!" Roxanne triumphantly crows a half-second later, watching as the brainbot snaps his jaws near the hemline of her skirt, clearly trying to hold back the urge to rip into the fabric. "An army of Norberts!" 

The little bot stops trying to nibble on her clothes at the sound of its name, its eyestalk swiveling up to blink at her as it lets out an almost curious mechanical whine. 

"Norbert, stop fraternizing with the enemy!" Megamind's sharp rebuke cuts through the air, and the bot immediately lets out a sad whine, its eyestalk drooping as it slowly retreats. 

A second later, the hollow echo of Megamind's boots on the floor fills the room as he approaches her. He crouches down onto his haunches beside her chair, putting them essentially at eye level. 

"If you must know, you onery, nosy reporter." He murmurs, the words holding an affectionate undertone that makes her heart flutter. "Today's plot is a surprise." The soft, gentle words are immediately followed by a devilish smirk when she pouts at him.

The next moment he's reaching out, leather-clad fingers wrapping around the curve of her chin as he gently forces her to look at the console standing proudly at the front of the room. She can't help the small, startled noise that escapes her at the touch. Megamind usually has a very hands-off policy with her. She can count on one hand the number of times he's touched her while she's been tied to the kidnapping chair. 

Roxanne's breath catches in her throat when she feels him shift beside her, and then his breath is curling around the shell of her ear as he whispers, "Teach you to call me predictable." As soon as he finishes speaking, his fingers slip from her face.

He rights himself in a single, fluid movement. Turning his back on her as he strides over to the console with a new determination in the set of his shoulders.

Megamind is fiddling with something on the console when Roxanne feels Minion's robotic hands wrap around her chair's backrest. When she twists her head far enough to the side, her gaze settles on Minion's toothy grin just before he quietly speaks up, "It's a series of hot hair balloons loaded with C4. When the fuel runs out, they fall to the ground, the detonator goes off, and boom." Minion removes one of his hands from the back of her chair to make an exploding gesture that makes her bite back a chuckle.

Megamind spins around the second Minion finishes his explanation, his voice full of mock outrage as it echoes through the air. "Minion!"

Minion freezes for a second at the rebuke, and then after a moment's deliberation, he places a hand against his tank and stage whispers, "We named them the Boom Ballons." 

Roxanne snorts at the new information, her shoulders shaking with repressed laughter as the look of outrage on Megamind's face cements into place as he rushes over to the two of them. 

"What have I told you about spilling our secrets to her!" The words are hissed as Megamind shoots a glare at his hench-fish and grabs his arm, tugging them both to stand a few feet in front of her.

"She looks harmless now, but everything she learns she relays back to Metro Mahn." Megamind continues as he braces his hands on his hench-fishes shoulders and peers at her from behind Minion's arm. "Do you see that face, Minion? That's the face of the enemy."

The stern words only make Minion's toothy grin grow, though, from Megamind's position, he can probably only see Minion bob in his tank as a mock nod as he speaks. "Enemy face. Understood, sir." The serious tone of his words completely contradicting the good humor written across his face.

Megamind lets out a long sigh of relief as he steps out from behind Minion, patting his metal shoulder lightly before spinning on his heel and stalking back over to the console. Minion only winks at her before stomping around her, where he's safe from any of the flying debris that tends to accompany Wayne's entrances.

"Now, back to business." The muttered words are just loud enough for Roxanne to hear, pulling her attention back to the console just before Megamind pushes a massive glowing green button on the console. 

The gigantic screens mounted to the wall above the console light up at that, aerial images of Metro City filling them as flocks of bots weave their way through the city. It's hardly the first time she's seen the little robots weed Wayne out, but it's still a marvel to watch even after years of kidnappings. 

It only takes the little fleets of brainbots three minutes to hone in on Wayne's location. He's at one of those prissy coffee shops where a cup of coffee costs an hour of her pay, but when have the Scott's ever been one's to look twice at the price of anything? 

He's sitting on the patio, precariously perched on a little wrought iron chair that looks far too small to support anyone of his size. Across from him is a blond-haired man with muscles that nearly rival Wayne's own - and judging by the way the man is laughing at whatever Wayne's said, it looks like she and Wayne might wind up discussing how much longer the two of them are going to keep up the charade of their fake relationship. 

Really though, she's glad for him. He deserves someone who can make him happy regardless of how the press and his parents might feel about the sudden knowledge that their favorite superhero is gay. 

Though really, she honestly has no idea how everyone else hasn't realized it yet. It's not like he's ever been all that subtle about it.

The bots hang back for a moment longer, waiting for the other little flocks zooming around the city to reach them before they all swoop down in one group to surround the cafe, sending some people scattering with shrieks of terror, while others grumble at the menace and try to bat the brainbots away with newspapers and umbrellas. 

A half-second later, thick black smoke chokes the air, curling around the few people who haven't abandoned the patio as Wayne glares at the robots before shooting a reassuring, apologetic look towards his date at the other end of the table. 

One of the bots takes its place in front of the hero as a close-up of Wayne's face comes into perfect focus. A second later, Norbert perches on the console in front of Megamind as his eye turns from red to blue, indicating that he's recording and that the show has officially started. 

Roxanne lets out a soft sigh and slumps back in her chair, silently wondering how long it's going to take Wayne to come to collect her this time. If he's fast enough, she might still be able to make it to her appointment and avoid paying a costly fee for not showing up.

"Metro Man, prepare to meet your fate," Megamind growls, and Wayne's expression on the screen immediately hardens.

"Megamind," Wayne answers in turn a moment later, his voice low and serious and not at all the light mocking tone he tends to use when Megamind instigates another fight. 

"What are you doing?" The hushed words are tense as Wayne leans in closer to the bot recording him, his face growing ever larger on the massive screens. "I'm a little busy."

"Evil doesn't wait until the time is convenient for you." Megamind bites back, leveling the hero with a glare of his own. "As we speak, a dozen hot air balloons are hovering above your beloved city, and unless stopped, a dozen buildings will fall. As soon as they touch the ground... BOOM!"

"Oh, God..." Wayne mutters the second Megamind finishes his explanation, burying his face in a hand as he shakes his head back and forth before letting out a disparaging sigh. "Don't tell me you named them boom balloons." The words are whispered, and at the same exact time Megamind throws his arms out at his sides and triumphantly announces the words _'boom balloons'_.

Wayne groans at him, the sound pained as he pulls his hand from his face as stares blankly at them through the screen for a few lingering seconds. 

"Megamind. I'm not coming." The words catch Roxanne entirely by surprise, and she finds herself leaning forward enough to tug on the restraints binding her hands without even realizing what she's doing. 

"Excuse me?" Megamind demands a second later, his shoulders falling as he peers down into the camera lens of Norbert's eye with a dangerous look on his face.

"I'm taking a personal day, okay?" Wayne whispers, the words coming through the speakers in the lair just as well as if he was talking at full volume. His eyes flick over to the man sitting across from him at the table, lingering on the worried lines of his face before he looks back at the bot transmitting everything back to them. "This is really important to me." 

Roxanne's breath stutters at his words for a second. If he's not coming, then what does that mean for her? Megamind and Minion could always just knock her out again and drop her off at home, but she already knows that's not going to be the first plan of action. 

She's here for a reason, after all.

To provide that little extra incentive for Wayne to keep following along with the cues Megamind gives him and playing along in this charade.

If he doesn't come, there's a perfectly good death trap sitting a few feet away from her, already prepped and all but begging to be set loose.

She's not entirely sure why the thought makes her throat go dry.

"Justice can't take personal days! Evil doesn't take personal days!" Megamind argues, anger tainting his words, making the consonants come out a little harsher than they usually do.

"Look, I know that I normally play along with this little game of ours, but I really can't today." Wayne offers, his voice tense as he glares at them before falling silent for a few lingering seconds before his face lights up with an idea. 

"Whatever damage you do to the city, I will pay to have fixed." He offers smugly a half-second later.

Roxanne finds herself wanting to scold him for several reasons, the least of which is the fact that he's acting like a privileged child who can just shell out millions of dollars at will to have a dozen buildings re-built. Heaven forbid he even stops to think about the people who will be inconvenienced by Megamind's plot. 

No, the reason she finds herself wanting to yell at him is that he's willing to just leave her with Megamind. 

The saws spinning beside her suddenly seem a hundred times more menacing than they were ten minutes ago. She does her best to shake the feeling away. She's just being paranoid because of her stupid, irrational fear of that flamethrower four years ago. It hadn't even been that hot in retrospect; she'd just been panicking like any rational person would. 

It's not like Megamind can hurt her. He's not her soulmate.

_Unless he is. Unless you simply got lucky with the flamethrower, and now your time is up. The warning was right in front of you, Roxanne. Why didn't you listen to it?_

As if on cue, Megamind seems to remember her existence, his glare falling away into villainous glee as he crows, "You do realize that you're forgetting about your darling Roxanne Ritchi!" He gestures vaguely in her direction with an arm, and on command, Norbert lifts off the console and flies around her in a lazy circle. 

"Wayne," Roxanne speaks up, the slight waver in her voice the only indicator of the mild sense of terror that's starting to make her blood run a little cold.

Unfortunately, she can't get another word out before Wayne lets out a scornful bark of laughter at seeing her trussed up with a death trap waiting for her just a few feet away. "You couldn't hurt Roxanne if you wanted to." Wayne sneers, a derisive chuckle escaping him before he immediately continues, "Newsflash _genius_ , you're not her soulmate." 

Roxanne finds herself clinging to the shred of hope those words give her, silently trying to convince herself that he's right. It isn't like she has proof that Megamind's her soulmate. It's just a silly hunch she has. Even Wayne knows that the supervillain can't possibly be her intended life partner.

 _Wayne is a fucking idiot._ The little voice in the back of her mind scolds, and there's no way she can argue that little fact.

"Besides, even when I show up late, the deathtraps are never going." Wayne scoffs, shaking his head before all but challenging Megamind with his next churlish words. "Why build them if you never even use them?"

Megamind tenses slightly at the question, fury hardening the sharp angles of his face as he lifts his hand over the array of switches, buttons, and levers littering the console table. His hand hovers a few scant inches above the massive, red button glowing ominously in the dim light. 

"You think I won't push this button?" The growled words are threatening, and when Wayne bursts into laughter at the question, Megamind's fingers twitch as though they have a mind of their own and they're just begging Megamind to set them loose.

"I know you won't push the button." Wayne's retort only lingers in the air for a fraction of a second before Megamind's leather-clad hand slams down on the console with a ricocheting banging noise that makes Roxanne flinch. 

"Well, it looks like I just proved you wrong!" Megamind gloats, offering Wayne a smug smile as he crosses his arms over his chest and lifts a single eyebrow in challenge. 

Roxanne swallows thickly at his words, and then two seconds later, a sharp hissing noise comes from the sawblades beside her as they start to creep closer. Her breath catches in her throat at the noise, as she immediately glances over at the glinting metal. Her heart pounding so furiously that she nearly swears that it's trying to break its way out of her ribcage; and she knows it's because even though she doesn't have any proof that Megamind is her soulmate, she has one hell of an inkling that maybe, just maybe, he could be. 

And if he is, then she is in very, _very_ real danger. 

"It doesn't matter whether or not you push the button!" Wayne's frustrated voice echos through the lair, but it sounds almost like the drone of a pesky mosquito to Roxanne. The sound of the sawblades is ringing in her ears as they draw closer, and she struggles against the ropes binding her to the chair to no avail. 

"Wayne!" She shouts, no longer bothering to hide the apparent fear in her voice as the blades continue their descent. 

_Nine inches._

She has nine measly inches separating her leg from the cold, glinting, serrated metal, and the adrenaline pounding through her veins is screaming at her to _run._

"Because Roxanne isn't your soulmate! She's _literally invulnerable_ to anything you will ever try to do to her!" Wayne continues ranting, utterly oblivious to the way she's struggling for freedom in the background.

Roxanne's breath comes in short bursts as she lets out a high-pitched whine and tries to rip her hands free from the rope with renewed vigor. A few seconds later, something warm and wet slides down the curve of her hands before trailing its way down her fingers. Whatever it is, it's enough to make Minion let out a small gasp of his own.

_Six inches._

The quickly dwindling space between herself and the nearest sawblade pulls her memories of the flamethrower back to the front of her mind unbidden. 

_Fire wasn't supposed to be_ that _hot._

"Wayne!" Roxanne screeches, managing to draw the hero's attention for the briefest of seconds before it's immediately redirected to Megamind.

"She still needs to breathe." The supervillain snarls, his hands clenching into fists at his sides before he immediately adds, "I could just walk over there and strangle her." The words are feral, and when Wayne stares at Megamind in silence for a second too long - attempting to read whether or not he's bluffing - the villain takes a long, slow step backward. 

The whole time Roxanne continues struggling against the ropes pinning her in place, wincing at the sharp, entirely foreign stabbing pricks of pain lancing up her arms as the ropes cut into her flesh. 

The cold, smooth steel of Minion's robotic hand smooths over the angry, torn skin a moment later, his large fingers fumbling with the tightly woven ropes before he raises his voice over the din of the saw blades and the warning Wayne is throwing at Megamind. 

"Sir!" The single word is laced with genuine concern that only makes the inferno of fear brewing inside her reach all-time highs.

Megamind doesn't turn at Minion's call, his attention firmly focused on the screens before him as Wayne's low, dangerous voice rumbles, "You aren't going to touch her."

But it doesn't matter whether or not Wayne thinks he can intimidate Megamind into keeping his hands off of her because the blades are still descending.

_Three inches._

Three measly inches are all that separates her from the nearest saw blade.

"Wayne!" Roxanne screams at the top of her lungs, and even though the hero is far too focused on Megamind to pay her any mind, Megamind at least flinches a little at the way her scream echoes in the enclosed room. 

For a second, Megamind starts to actually turn around, but before he can turn far enough to witness the mayhem in the center of the room, another one of Wayne's growled threats pulls his attention back to the screen. "You wouldn't dare."

Megamind lets lose a villainous cackle at Wayne's stern warning, his voice a challenge all on its own as he bites back; "Wouldn't I?" 

"Mallieth!" Minion shouts, the smooth alien consonants rolling off his tongue doing nothing to hide the anger and concern laced in the single word.

Whatever Minion says seems to have the desired effect. Megamind whirls around instantly, a look of genuine anger written across his face as Wayne's voice rumbles through the speakers in the lair. "Megamind." 

The supervillain's angry expression fades the second he sees the worry written across Minion's face. His eyes immediately flicking down to Roxanne struggling in her chair before they lock eyes, and she opens her mouth to scream at him to turn off the damn death trap, but it's already too late.

_There's no time left._

"If you make me-" Wayne's threat is immediately cut off by the sound of a blood-curdling scream as the first sawblade meets her flesh. 

Roxanne is woefully unprepared for the experience of _actual_ pain. The books she's read, and the interviews she's done don't do it justice. It's a white-hot zing through her nerve endings, the tingling zap of electricity - if electricity felt like a thousand daggers stabbing into her flesh all at the same time, radiating out from the spot where the blade is cutting into her thigh.

It suddenly makes sense why none of the descriptions do it justice. It's a feeling that transcends the ability of the English language in the absolutely worst way possible.

A second later, blood sprays into the air, splattering the once pristine silver saw blade with a thick coat of red; and somehow, the pain manages to go from excruciating to downright unbearable. The feeling of it shoots through her nerve endings at lightspeed as an almost inhuman noise tears its way from her throat. 

It feels like it's been an eternity when the saw blade comes to a dead stop and pulls away, folding back into the floor as blood gushes down her leg in a thick river of red. Thankfully, the pain somehow fades a second later. A heavy, tired, lethargic feeling settling over her body as her head buzzes like she's singlehandedly downed a bottle of wine. 

She's vaguely aware of the muted shouting going on around her in a foreign language, and her pain addled brain manages to supply the names Minion and Megamind - though it struggles to piece together where they fit into all of this as her grasp on reality flits away far too quickly. It would be alarming if she still had the sense about her to feel anything but incredibly, incredibly tired.

Silver stars spark at the corners of her vision, everything going hazy even when she tries to blink them away. A flash of blue barely manages to pull her attention down to her uninjured side, her head lolling to the side as she finds that she doesn't quite have the strength to hold it up on her own anymore. She's vaguely aware of the feeling of ropes falling away from her ankles, but it's hard to focus on the sensation when it feels like she's waking up from a dream and she's still half asleep.

The silver stars lingering in the corners of her vision begin to dull as the darkness continues its slow yet determined march, her vision giving way, the blackness threatening to lull her to sleep. 

Really, sleep sounds absolutely divine right about now.

Her eyes manage to catch on the fuzzy blue and black silhouette, a knife clenched in one of its hands, a pair of gloves coated in something wet that glints in the dull light as the person stares down at their hands for a long moment. 

"Mega...ngh." Her tongue goes numb halfway through the clumsy attempt at the name, and she finds herself relaxing back into the steady embrace of her chair as everything goes warm and cold all at the same time. 

There's a serene sense of peace to it all, and she can't help but let herself succumb to the lovely embrace of the darkness as it clouds over her vision.

There's a sudden tugging feeling at her wrists, and somehow it manages to spark a little flare of pain. It only lasts a half-second, but it's enough to make her whimper as it pulls her away from that lovely edge of sleep and back into wakefulness. 

"Roxanne." A low, choked, worried voice begs as her hands fall limply against the arms of her chair. "Stay awake." The desperate order is followed by a sharp little sting of fresh pain against her cheek as the sound of flesh hitting flesh rings out dully around her. 

She hisses at the feeling, blinking in the lights that seem far too bright before the darkness manages to snuff them back into nonexistence. 

"Wayne!" The desperate voice is angry now, and she wants to tell it to calm down. To tell it that everything's going to be okay and that it needs to stop worrying. 

_How can anything be wrong when everything feels so soft, like a bed made of fluffy down pillows?_

A second later, the roof tears open with a screech of metal that sounds like nothing more than a dull, muted groan to her ears, but it's enough to make her force her sluggish eyes open once more. She can barely make out the daylight spilling down on her as a massive, flying figure swoops down from the sky. 

Her mind manages to conjure up one last word before the darkness fully engulfs the world and everything in it, leaving nothing but a calm stillness in its wake that she is all too happy to lose herself in.

_Angel._


End file.
